Literature! that is still the thing that will save me, and it is still the thing that I will argue with... the soft sciences... perhaps just a little, the hard sciences... fuck off! face it your hypothesis are arbitrary... Imaginations are really what will always tell the truth!!!
By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Historicist Perspectives
I am a historian. I am my own story teller... and I am a woman/chicanoa/explorer gem... miscellaneous part-time teacher/mentor to the kiddies and the kidders :)... A literary encyclopedia; and a national refuser of all things nationally built and carried away.. :<>
By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Mind of Mine
I am an ongoing walking Book
My own ethnographer
transcribing each episode as it comes...
An ongoing living crisis...
My experience teaches me
Like my own private little parable.
The didactic imagination of prisoner #0000
Prisoner of the mind!
Sequenced truths, dreams, natures, experiences teach me
the same things and new things and show me where I have been BLIND!
But ignorance and blindness unfortunately I cannot always detect myself... No unfortunately most of the times I refer to some painful event with another human being that takes place for me to recognize how I am blind... Fortunately, these events are lessening in degrees of severity. But I NEED HUMAN BEINGS! Because they help me see my ignorances; that I am constantly pitted against as the self-absorbed little human entity that I am.
And in short I am a walking MIND that lives day to day in the constant struggle towards freedom. Freedom from the additional suffering I lay upon my experiences because my MIND, gets too wrapped up, and DWELLS. Dwells, dwells... But at least I know this to some degree and can live with my own beaten down flickering pain that comes with trying to navigate the distinctions humans make and my own ringing truths...
And that is okay... AHEM.... don't clap too hard... --------Author D
By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©
My own ethnographer
transcribing each episode as it comes...
An ongoing living crisis...
My experience teaches me
Like my own private little parable.
The didactic imagination of prisoner #0000
Prisoner of the mind!
Sequenced truths, dreams, natures, experiences teach me
the same things and new things and show me where I have been BLIND!
But ignorance and blindness unfortunately I cannot always detect myself... No unfortunately most of the times I refer to some painful event with another human being that takes place for me to recognize how I am blind... Fortunately, these events are lessening in degrees of severity. But I NEED HUMAN BEINGS! Because they help me see my ignorances; that I am constantly pitted against as the self-absorbed little human entity that I am.
And in short I am a walking MIND that lives day to day in the constant struggle towards freedom. Freedom from the additional suffering I lay upon my experiences because my MIND, gets too wrapped up, and DWELLS. Dwells, dwells... But at least I know this to some degree and can live with my own beaten down flickering pain that comes with trying to navigate the distinctions humans make and my own ringing truths...
And that is okay... AHEM.... don't clap too hard... --------Author D
By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
The Summer Thus Far... July 24, 2011 written entry in Journey
:) The Summer thus far; people coming and going. Awkwardness--discomfort. Community Awareness... Writing here and there a little of you--O'--a little of me! (Rid me of this, Rid me of that)
Beauty, Restless Hesitation. Obvious Resignation. Beauty, Relief, Freedom agreement... Broke, remade, with stood, let gone. Come closer, go distant.
Delivering distance
Pain--Regret
Disillusion... The Figurative becomes ally, companion.
Figuratively AWED, inside and out of my MIND!
By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©
Beauty, Restless Hesitation. Obvious Resignation. Beauty, Relief, Freedom agreement... Broke, remade, with stood, let gone. Come closer, go distant.
Delivering distance
Pain--Regret
Disillusion... The Figurative becomes ally, companion.
Figuratively AWED, inside and out of my MIND!
By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
It is finally coming to me
Alright,
so I am a Masters student in college and it just all occurred to me is that I can do whatever I want. That is actually what most of these professors have been saying to me in indirect ---read this book---kinda ways. I just realized, however, right now at 4:37 am in the middle of a not so exciting but memorably inviting summer enveloped with love and friendly events concerning race, class, and sex... that I can really do whatever I want for my thesis project. This was after having the privilege of editing a friends project as a last minute grammar check. So some of the books I want to draw from seeing as how I am doing the Mexican American Studies major are Tropic of Orange, Canicula, maybe an Ana Castillo book, and something off the wall like out of Hesse, and those will be my literary books I draw from, plus there are more comig in the mail... But the whole thesis will be on me and my experience... and so what I can do whatever I want!
so I am a Masters student in college and it just all occurred to me is that I can do whatever I want. That is actually what most of these professors have been saying to me in indirect ---read this book---kinda ways. I just realized, however, right now at 4:37 am in the middle of a not so exciting but memorably inviting summer enveloped with love and friendly events concerning race, class, and sex... that I can really do whatever I want for my thesis project. This was after having the privilege of editing a friends project as a last minute grammar check. So some of the books I want to draw from seeing as how I am doing the Mexican American Studies major are Tropic of Orange, Canicula, maybe an Ana Castillo book, and something off the wall like out of Hesse, and those will be my literary books I draw from, plus there are more comig in the mail... But the whole thesis will be on me and my experience... and so what I can do whatever I want!
Monday, July 11, 2011
Dreaded Dystopia
Sometimes when I close my eyes I seep into my own abyss of dissonance. My brain grows in the direction of a weary numbness… All of my insecurities and truths seem to be placed onto a sub-atomic net of disassociated knots… My level of comfort seems to decrease and my breath begins on its shallow way into a land of desperation. Drowning in my own fears determined to relinquish all of my tears. Disturbed into delight; it never changes… The its of my all come into contact with every discomforted feeling I can imagine all at once and immediately as well as dreadfully there is a distance from peace. A distance far between “who I am meant to be” and what I seem to have become…
The inclination and struggle toward life initially and chaotically almost ironically drives me and sends me a little closer to death…
The absolute abundant truth… we seem to live until we die…
Autora Deborah Godinez 2011 ©
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Death Obsessed
The truth hits so suddenly
so brutally
How could I have ever denied?
The hearts way of convincing me these feelings are not real!
Time and time again to let go of beauty
The beauty of this life and be this fucked up
inadamant object
This limpless lifeless form of existence without the empathy.
so brutally
How could I have ever denied?
The hearts way of convincing me these feelings are not real!
Time and time again to let go of beauty
The beauty of this life and be this fucked up
inadamant object
This limpless lifeless form of existence without the empathy.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
I don't have any Thoughts
No tengo que platicarle
"It doesn't matter if we all die"----------------One Hundred Years
Music,
Simplicity... Freedom with the Summer Sun...
Sun of all Suns; Face of the sun in the face of us all.
Interconnected Spirit, regretibly fascinating my hindered soul
"just like the old days"
mmmmmmm. the spirit of now absurdly wrapped in the spirits of yesteryawnder...
Focus, English Master...
Look it up! SEARCH
for a dominion of knowledge...
Porque no te pones a dejarme en pas!
A window into the world, a window of real and not real.
"Put on your Pout"
put on your fear...
scribbles from the imaginations gallery of paint brushed words stimulating the anti-thesis protagonists pit falls into oblivion.
But coming right back! Standing up... sitting down.
Sh*t C*nt... I am taking a shower.
"It doesn't matter if we all die"----------------One Hundred Years
Music,
Simplicity... Freedom with the Summer Sun...
Sun of all Suns; Face of the sun in the face of us all.
Interconnected Spirit, regretibly fascinating my hindered soul
"just like the old days"
mmmmmmm. the spirit of now absurdly wrapped in the spirits of yesteryawnder...
Focus, English Master...
Look it up! SEARCH
for a dominion of knowledge...
Porque no te pones a dejarme en pas!
A window into the world, a window of real and not real.
"Put on your Pout"
put on your fear...
scribbles from the imaginations gallery of paint brushed words stimulating the anti-thesis protagonists pit falls into oblivion.
But coming right back! Standing up... sitting down.
Sh*t C*nt... I am taking a shower.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
PIMP
If I were a pimp what would I tell my GRRLS? Maybe, that patriarchy encompasses all that we are. And matriarchy, makes us what we are...
But why would I be a Pimp? And what is this with this word pimp? Is it not the same word as Fuck + boast that you have come together? (the new redefined *pimp gets respect because they merely use the word) Anyone, can be a pimp... BTW.
If I were a pimp, I would also exploit women... (sorry, I really mean hoes) that didn't know any better, that needed to be tamed, and utilized... How so? How do pimps do that?
And what is it with this word PIMP? Why do all the kids say it? Why does it signify respect to apply Fuck+ over+ boast+ profit?
"you dead wrong if you think Pimpin gonna DIE"---------
(American Icon-------- Snoop Dogg)...
Why fuck over anyone? You don't have to let them do that to YOU!? Remember Taxi Driver, where Jodi Foster plays the thirteen year old hooker? And am I mistaken? And isn't everyone a Hooker? Is it not set up so that we give our time and in return get paid like a dirty little whore? Isn't that what a job is? Isn't that our bread and butter? And you must have a job, man, or people might look at you funny, or you might get bored and get into trouble and start pimpin, man!
The word Pimp is the word fuck + context (fill in the blank-)+ Over---this is how far we have gone humanity!
Pimp me a smoke chessbro! Pimp the system, activist. Pimp your mama and your daddy too! And don't forget, to infamously, pimp dem Bitches!
(Let's continue to perpetuate violence against womym, mean... it is not like they give us life, feed us, nurture us, and sacrifice every inch of their being for the people they raise, ya know?)
Absurdity! do you see? do you see?
We are pimped, we are pimps, we are whores, we are bores!
Vomiting Out thoughts... It's the only way to do it!
PIMP-- BABY!
By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©
But why would I be a Pimp? And what is this with this word pimp? Is it not the same word as Fuck + boast that you have come together? (the new redefined *pimp gets respect because they merely use the word) Anyone, can be a pimp... BTW.
If I were a pimp, I would also exploit women... (sorry, I really mean hoes) that didn't know any better, that needed to be tamed, and utilized... How so? How do pimps do that?
And what is it with this word PIMP? Why do all the kids say it? Why does it signify respect to apply Fuck+ over+ boast+ profit?
"you dead wrong if you think Pimpin gonna DIE"---------
(American Icon-------- Snoop Dogg)...
Why fuck over anyone? You don't have to let them do that to YOU!? Remember Taxi Driver, where Jodi Foster plays the thirteen year old hooker? And am I mistaken? And isn't everyone a Hooker? Is it not set up so that we give our time and in return get paid like a dirty little whore? Isn't that what a job is? Isn't that our bread and butter? And you must have a job, man, or people might look at you funny, or you might get bored and get into trouble and start pimpin, man!
The word Pimp is the word fuck + context (fill in the blank-)+ Over---this is how far we have gone humanity!
Pimp me a smoke chessbro! Pimp the system, activist. Pimp your mama and your daddy too! And don't forget, to infamously, pimp dem Bitches!
(Let's continue to perpetuate violence against womym, mean... it is not like they give us life, feed us, nurture us, and sacrifice every inch of their being for the people they raise, ya know?)
Absurdity! do you see? do you see?
We are pimped, we are pimps, we are whores, we are bores!
Vomiting Out thoughts... It's the only way to do it!
PIMP-- BABY!
By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©
Monday, June 27, 2011
Malcriada
Yo no estoy amargada!
teehee, como le diria, Tu sabes como es esto
You know how it is when a term of shame
turns into a term of endearment...
"Malcriada!" -- malcriadita...
Well... that's what happened here, at some point
my Mama decided to transform in order to transcend
So, she took the one thing she hated... that hated her...
And mocked it, twisted it, transformed it...
And began to use malcriada to ascend into
a form of coping providing
a form of being
And here we are today... coping with this silly and horrific word
Here we are...
"Malcriada"
Here we go again...
"Malcriada"
Si, no fueras tan malcriada...
No te viera tenido...
(if you weren't so bad I would not have had you)
Or at least that's what I heard...
I can't help it be bad... be good bad... be bad bad... be good good
Ay! malcriada, that's what I say...
and I hear my own giggles squirming back towards my heart...
But I wonder what she hears?
I wonder who could have called her that word so much
that it is so ingrained?
Was it something she heard on T.V?
What happened? How do I dissect such a brain?
Would it be beneficial?
What if she is just playing with language...
By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©
teehee, como le diria, Tu sabes como es esto
You know how it is when a term of shame
turns into a term of endearment...
"Malcriada!" -- malcriadita...
Well... that's what happened here, at some point
my Mama decided to transform in order to transcend
So, she took the one thing she hated... that hated her...
And mocked it, twisted it, transformed it...
And began to use malcriada to ascend into
a form of coping providing
a form of being
And here we are today... coping with this silly and horrific word
Here we are...
"Malcriada"
Here we go again...
"Malcriada"
Si, no fueras tan malcriada...
No te viera tenido...
(if you weren't so bad I would not have had you)
Or at least that's what I heard...
I can't help it be bad... be good bad... be bad bad... be good good
Ay! malcriada, that's what I say...
and I hear my own giggles squirming back towards my heart...
But I wonder what she hears?
I wonder who could have called her that word so much
that it is so ingrained?
Was it something she heard on T.V?
What happened? How do I dissect such a brain?
Would it be beneficial?
What if she is just playing with language...
By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©
Sunday, June 26, 2011
The Psychology of Now
WHY?
The now is just the observation
what is in front of you...
Can you see?
Probably not...
Desires run deep
deep in my desire
I experience objectivism...
Experience is the same but different
for you, for eyes-- (I's)
The circumstance changes
fragments of what used to be
But what if nothing -- ever really was?
"Imaginations are really the truth"
Seven years of development underway
what desire brought
out of mere chance
Coincidence...
Imaginations are really the truth
That is why I cannot "believe"
I don't have to believe I already know...
Desire Killed death
Humanity... all the same
Inherited pieces of glue stuck to the subaltern truth
--that it is--only in the imagination--
Where one can find that freedom.
But be careful enslavement exists in the imagination as well.
Imaginations are really the truth.
Seven years in the making...
"But still, nobody sees"
Seven years ago I converged into
the psychology of Now
Nature's choice
Brutal convergence but neither
here nor there...
But five, four, three, and two years ago I have forgotten
what I was
sights, aromas, nows
just after...
just now
Lo despues de lo moderno
And here I am just now
driving up and down hills
driving purpose into my mold
Functioning with reality
Being just okay with the reality,
truth awakening of the Now...
looking at the yesterday
Because it helps me see right now...
Being different... because as a human I am only
this one body
Being the same because as a human
I have things in common with other humans
Imaginations are really the truth.
Imaginations are always the truth.
Your imagination your truth
my imagination my truth
But does it really belong to either of us?
Is it not just what it is?
Metaphysical plight into the search
But does it matter once you define it?
Is it not invisible either way
Is it not only now that we have?
Imaginations
Imaginations are really the truth and I want my NOW...
"are you ready?"
By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©
The now is just the observation
what is in front of you...
Can you see?
Probably not...
Desires run deep
deep in my desire
I experience objectivism...
Experience is the same but different
for you, for eyes-- (I's)
The circumstance changes
fragments of what used to be
But what if nothing -- ever really was?
"Imaginations are really the truth"
Seven years of development underway
what desire brought
out of mere chance
Coincidence...
Imaginations are really the truth
That is why I cannot "believe"
I don't have to believe I already know...
Desire Killed death
Humanity... all the same
Inherited pieces of glue stuck to the subaltern truth
--that it is--only in the imagination--
Where one can find that freedom.
But be careful enslavement exists in the imagination as well.
Imaginations are really the truth.
Seven years in the making...
"But still, nobody sees"
Seven years ago I converged into
the psychology of Now
Nature's choice
Brutal convergence but neither
here nor there...
But five, four, three, and two years ago I have forgotten
what I was
sights, aromas, nows
just after...
just now
Lo despues de lo moderno
And here I am just now
driving up and down hills
driving purpose into my mold
Functioning with reality
Being just okay with the reality,
truth awakening of the Now...
looking at the yesterday
Because it helps me see right now...
Being different... because as a human I am only
this one body
Being the same because as a human
I have things in common with other humans
Imaginations are really the truth.
Imaginations are always the truth.
Your imagination your truth
my imagination my truth
But does it really belong to either of us?
Is it not just what it is?
Metaphysical plight into the search
But does it matter once you define it?
Is it not invisible either way
Is it not only now that we have?
Imaginations
Imaginations are really the truth and I want my NOW...
"are you ready?"
By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©
Friday, June 24, 2011
Devices
Hunger strikes
Anger Bites
The world rolls on by
The world in it's Bourgeois Format
Strikes
Don't fart, pick your nose, sneeze, cough, burp, or sweat;
I am trembling
Hunger strikes
fingers bite into
my downward spiral
of general conduct
I am human, yes, I have inherited
humanity
I have inherited My existence.
Those devices, they come along
they fit into the territory...
I must use them
I must be useful
bwahahahhahahahahahahahahaha!
Opps, just farted.
ladylike appeal
storylike existence
I am human, I have inherited humanity!
By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©
Anger Bites
The world rolls on by
The world in it's Bourgeois Format
Strikes
Don't fart, pick your nose, sneeze, cough, burp, or sweat;
I am trembling
Hunger strikes
fingers bite into
my downward spiral
of general conduct
I am human, yes, I have inherited
humanity
I have inherited My existence.
Those devices, they come along
they fit into the territory...
I must use them
I must be useful
bwahahahhahahahahahahahahaha!
Opps, just farted.
ladylike appeal
storylike existence
I am human, I have inherited humanity!
By Deborah Godinez 2011 ©
Documenting
Today I read a Pablo Neruda Poem perfectly how I wanted it to sound en Espanol damas y Caballeros... more to come...
Si Tu Me Olvidas
Si Tu Me Olvidas
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